| OK, I was reading Dr. Hershal York's blog today, and it was amazing! SO..... i am reposting it here (it is long, but worth the read):
***This is written by Dr. Hershal York, and posted on his blog www.hershaelyork.blogspot.com on Dec. 9, 2005
Seek Not a Wife
Anyone who talks with me for five minutes will learn several things about me, one of which is that I am completely, utterly in love with my wife. Tanya and I are blessed beyond words to share a life of absolute delight in one another. I would choose her company over anyone else's. I respect her more than anyone I know. She is the greatest, most consistent Christian person I have ever met. She is an encourager, a teacher, a patient mentor. On top of it all, after twenty-five years, the woman still rocks my world (this is the part where my sons retch and apologize to their friends). Being faithful to her has been pretty easy, actually, because she has never let my love cup get even half-empty.
In short, I wish everyone could enjoy life and marriage like I do. Yet reading 1 Corinthians, I see Paul saying the same thing about his single life: "I wish that all were as I myself am." My own experience and Paul's testimony make it clear, therefore, that service to the Lord and even "happiness," therefore, are not dependent on one's marital state.
1 Corinthians 7 seems disjointed. Paul bounces back and forth between subjects like sex in marriage to singleness to widowhood to divorce and remarriage to slavery and freedom and back and forth between them with little apparent regard for organization or hierarchy. But he weaves a single thread throughout the chapter, binding it all together and relating muddled marital and manual matters to one another. Paul's simple truth brings clarity to clouded judgment, direction to double-minded men, and delight to those depressed at their state in life. This truth is so powerful that it adds joy to a good marriage, melts the icy drudgery of a bad marriage, and provides hope and purpose to those who aren't married but desperately want to be.
Are you ready for it? Here it comes. Write this down--this is profound.
Serve God where you are.
I said it was profound, not catchy.
Let me justify my opinion that this is arguably the most liberating truth for Christian living in all the New Testament. Paul addresses a lot of social classes and statuses in 1 Corinthians 7: married, widowed, divorced, abandoned, unhappily married, single, and slaves. We preachers would love it if he addressed these situations one at a time so it would fit our sermon outline much better, but he chooses not to. Why? Because though he addresses all these states of being, they are not really the point. Faithfully serving Christ in whatever one's state is the point--the big one.
True enough, he deals with practical matters like sex within marriage, sexual desire outside of marriage, and the rules for whether or not a Christian should obtain a divorce. All that is terribly important, but also terribly insignificant when it comes to finding excuses to step out of the will of God. That's why throughout the chapter he instructs people to suck it up and do the right thing even if it currently is not the thing they want to do. So if a married man doesn't really care about sexually satisfying his wife--tough, you can't withhold yourself from her because she has authority over your body. If a single man feels strong sexual desire toward his girlfriend--then marry her. If a Christian woman laments that her husband didn't trust Christ when she did and wants to leave him so she can find a man of faith with whom she can share her life--quit whining and stay in that relationship so God can use you to win that husband. When a believing slave grieves that she could do so much more for Jesus if she were only free--try just serving God as a slave. Whenever a young Christian pastor believes he could be much more effective if only he had a wife but no one emerges as a potential mate--fine, seek not a wife, seek holiness instead.
Paul's truth is a tough truth, especially now. We have all been reared in a culture that makes us feel victimized and self-righteous. The blame game has replaced baseball as America's pastime. We blame our parents or our education or some past abuser for whatever self-destructive tendencies we exhibit. We find solace in our sins because we convince ourselves that we can't help it. Our behavior has more to do with our circumstances than with our will. The story of Joseph simply couldn't happen in our day because Joseph would be more concerned with the violation of his rights than with serving Potiphar or being an exemplary prisoner.
Christianity has morphed into meism. God's job is simply to make me happy, to grant my desires. If my marriage stinks, surely "God wants me happy and I think He sent that woman in accounting to me, to help me find happiness." I hear it all the time when I counsel couples. Christian singles justify their sexual promiscuity in much the same way. Tamar's seduction of Judah rings more true to our experience than Joseph's pathetic passivity in the face of his oppressors.
But Paul shatters all that. He unequivocally shouts in our faces that it's not about us. It's about the One who purchased us to Himself. And here is the summation of this bold section of a very bold book: Don't think that changing your circumstances is the missing key to living a godly life.
Listen to this section: "17 Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. 18 Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. 19 For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. 20 Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. 21 Were you a slave when called? Do not be concerned about it. But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity. 22 For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. 23 You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. 24 So, brothers,in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God."
Dare we say that we cannot be pure unless we have a sexual partner? Are we really willing to say that if a person is in an unhappy marriage that she can be of no use to the Lord? Should our greatest priority be to change our circumstances or to serve God in those circumstances? Is God honored more by our service in spite of pain or by our fleeing from it?
In the 1997 NBA Finals, the Chicago Bulls and the Utah Jazz were tied at two games apiece. The bad news came that Michael Jordan had the flu. Writhing in pain and throwing up during timeouts, Jordan turned in a 38-point performance, including hitting the game-winning three pointer that secured the 90-88 victory for Chicago. He followed up that game with a 39-point 11-rebound effort that gave Chicago the game and the series for back-to-back championships. Though Jordan had better games, game five of the 97 series stands out because in addition to his tremendous talent, he had the tenacity to play hurt.
I think heaven notices the saints who know how to serve with integrity no matter what. They can play hurt, and they can win.
So you are single. I don't say that you shouldn't desire to be married. I don't even say that it isn't easier to stay pure if you are married. What I am saying--better yet, what Paul is saying under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit--is that you must learn to serve the Lord in whatever situation you find yourself while you prayerfully and patiently await God changing your circumstances. So while you are looking for a wife or a husband, take the time to learn the toughest and most liberating truth for living: Jesus really is enough. If He gives you more, then rejoice and be grateful; but don't think that you have to have more than Jesus. He is enough.
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